Sunday, May 22, 2016

kisah pukul 2.50 pagi.

Assalamualaikum. I don't know I still have my silent readers but this blog was my perfect mute diary.

my life is a mess.

i am scared.
scared of losing.
scared of loving.

it's my husband. he marry me despite of all my weakness.
but still, i am scared of the facts of losing.

i lose so many things.
especially in 2014, 2015.
my heart was torn into pieces.
i tried to mend it back.
and someone break it again.
i put the scattered pieces again and forgive again.
in the end, it's always me .
i am hurt.
people tend to leave me when i loved them so much.
and, when the love was gone, they came back asking for chance.
actually, i was giving them chance to break me again, and they DID.

now. 2016. my life was a total mess.
we fight like every days.
it's because I can't open up to him.
Ya Allah. please soften my heart.
but i am scared.
rasa kecewa itu sangat menakutkan.
i am sorry my dear husband, if i can't love u as much as u want me to, in shaa Allah in syurga we will love better. i am sorry. i love you and i am trying to.

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