Sunday, February 16, 2014

fikiran dari sudut.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

it's Sunday. it's evening. it's calming. my heart at peace as soon as the sun is setting. i was angry. i was sad. i was 'not me'. terrible. horrible. my mom once said, 'whenever u feel beastly inside, take a walk.' so, i did. and, as i walked through the road that i have always taken, the memories rushing back taking a flashback how they made. i had so many memories on the road. as a child, as a girl, as a woman, as a student. some were happy, some were vice verse. but, all the memories made me today. i grew up from the ugly me into not so ugly me today. when i was a child, that road witnessed me how the itik serati is chasing after me. and, the chickens. that why, i am a freak when it comes to chicken. i laughed by myself. and, when i was a secondary student, the road witnessed my sorrowful when i decide to lost few kgs. i jogged for almost a year. i skipped my rice. from 60kg, i am finally 46kg. but, that was then. i left the road. and now, i gained few kg back. serve me right for not taking good care of myself. i had so many memories. i will never forget each memories.

i got home. i opened my drive. as i going through the drive, i found countless pictures of me then. oh how i missed the old me. i am much happier, much stronger, and nothing can bring me down. i can speak anything i want to speak. i am the kind of 'you should listen to me' girl. i controlled my life very well. i live my life up to the goal i always made. when i aimed for something, i will never stop until i get it. i was fierce in any decision i have always made. but then, i am always a crybaby. hahaha. even my classmate labelled me as 'adik paling manja'. i will cry whenever i got hurt, i got angry, i got mistaken by someone i truly dear, and i will cry if i couldn't get somethng that i want. if i don't cry even u hurt me with all ur might, trust me, you are not dear to me. all my life, i have always believe 'some people really worth our time, some not, don't bother to waste the time.'

there's so many things happened recently. i am jobless. i can't even bought myself a beef burger or a can of carbonated drink. i hate it when i need to depend on someone else. i really hate it. i can't wait to have my offer letter comes and i want to work my ass out and gained some fee. i want to spent on anything i have always wanted. there's so many things i always wanted. skincare, food, bracelets, panties, vacation. hahahah. can't wait ah! i know its sound funny but who cares? i came from ordinary family, or maybe poor family. i don't always get what i want. anything i want, work for that baby. my family can't afford me. my first car, i bought with my own saving money(only when i am jobless, i need help). my first vacation to the north semenanjung was on me myself. i am proud of myself. hahahah. (this post really angkat bakul eh?) but, trust me, i have going through a lot. like very much. that's make me a ME TODAY.

heyp. i need to pen off. hungry bebeh. till then, selamat maghrib. assalamualaikum.

1 comment:

  1. It has been long time didnt see u.. i miss u so much.. really miss u.. it is very hard for me to believe what happen on us.. it was all my fault.. and i am very hard to say this.. selamat berbahagia bersama tunang.. i'll keep our memories.. in my heart.. in my mind.. tc.. semoga berbahagia hingga ke akhir hayat.. ikhlas dariku.. yg telah menjadi pepasir.. MTJ