Tuesday, March 5, 2013

wish i am much stronger than this.


it's March 5 and it's 10:13am. currently i am at Makmal Bahasa, SK Semariang. what am i doing here? yes, i am a teacher. but not, not officially. this is my third practicum. i am still a teacher trainee. and yes, it's already been almost 2 months (how time flies) teaching in this small school. ehh, i bet it's going to be bored for u to read my blah blah blah about school.

i am still me. walking slowly, with the head ups. no matter what happened, i kept my head ups until today. i walked with head down to the earth. staring at the ground sharply, trying to hear my very own slow footsteps. yeah. i feel empty. i dress in my favourite baju kurung, hoping that today will be better than yesterday, because i wake up with this very stupid bloated face and swollen eyes. trying to cover and smudge with colour palette which is so unusual me. i hate the me. i have never been this down. and, i wish i am much stronger than the previous me.

poor the students, i caught they lied.
The me that they known, will forgive after few words,
but today no words given, just a mere slap on their face.
and yes, the tears running down the cheeks.
i feel sorry for them.

i wish, there will be someone who stands firmly next to me

- patiently
- hold my hands, through my thick and thin.
- wipe my tears.
- laugh together.
- run to me when i need someone the most.
- call me for nothing in the middle of the night
- text me for nothing
- making time for me without looking at their schedule

i miss all these things.

dear someone, i think i am losing you.
if one day, i lose u, please do take care of yourself.
and, do forgive my every wrongs.
please know, when typing this, the love towards u flowing beastly.
and, i imagining myself, sitting here with you, talking about us.
take care.

the one that got away,
Mawar Ayu.

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